Conundrum (kəˈnəndrəm) – a confusing and difficult problem or question.
There are other definitions for this word… but in this moment I like this one the most. In this very moment, I’m dealing with a “conundrum.”
I am broke.
Really fucking broke. And so I applied for food assistance. With me and my daughter and living expenses and utilities and the rediculous amount, it costs for fucking child care in the US I am barely making it. I need help. But here is how “assistance” works in this country.
I make x amount of dollars. When I applied for food stamps the Department of Social services added in my child care, rent and utilities to my income. To me, this is a “conundrum.” I don’t watch people’s kids, I am no one’s landlord, I don’t provide energy to anyone. Why in the hell would my expenses be added to my income?? So I went from making x amount of dollars per month to making $2500 a month. Now I’m not going to state my income here but subtract your idea of rent, utilities and child care from 2500 and see what you think my income is. I’m fucking broke.
And I’m sure someone out there is thinking “well get another job. Do what you have to do.” Do me a favor and don’t judge me. You don’t live my life, you don’t know my circumstances. I am a nursing student so I am in school full time. I work 3 days a week, and guess what, if I work anymore I have to pay more child care so if I worked 2 more days a week I’d be working to pocket an extra $50. It’s pointless. I would be spending more time away from my kid just to pay someone to spend time with her.
And here’s another “conundrum”
Child care assistance won’t help mothers who are in school. In fact, adult learners are ineligible for food stamps as well. You may get benefits for your child, but not for you. I’m sacrificing so much to better myself but I also can’t get help because I’m trying to better myself. Literally, you are automatically ineligible if you attend school and are over 18. To me, these are problems that are both confusing and difficult.
If this country is going to offer “assistance” it should be offered to anyone who needs it. Why is the fact that your working towards getting to a better place an automatic disqualifier? I literally feel like I’m being held down.
Anonymous No-Name Blogger