I Hate My Life

depression

I hate my life. I’m not at all happy with where life has taken me. I know I could be doing better, I know this isn’t what was meant for me, I know I could have been doing a lot more at this point in life… But I’m not.

I hate my job, I hate that I’m back in school, I hate my financial situation I hate it all.

I’m an overweight former high school athlete who is so miserable about her weight I’ve convinced myself I can’t do anything about it. I have a head full of ideas on business’ and entrepreneurship, but I’m smart enough to know that an idea without action isn’t worth a fucking thing… I didn’t use to be this way. I was ambitious and went for anything I wanted. If I decided there was something I needed to accomplish, I did just that. I made up a gameplan, broke my goal into small steps, then I woke up every morning and nailed my balls to the wall (my female “balls” of course) until I got whatever I wanted. But since a series of events has taken my life in this horrible direction I’ve lost all motivation. I’ve convinced myself I

But since a series of events has taken my life in this horrible direction I’ve lost all motivation. I’ve convinced myself I can’t do it. I’ve suddenly decided that all I can do is wait to finish school (again), in order to start making moves.

And the weird thing is, I know that isn’t true. But I can only convince myself of that long enough to talk me into doing something empowering like finally taking the first step in a business I’d thought of (or something like make a blog). But the momentum quickly dies, and next thing you know my business (or blog) has barely gotten off the ground.

I’ve become full of excuses: “I can’t get my hair done, I don’t have enough money” “I can’t get another job, school is too demanding ” “I can’t workout, I don’t have the time”… It’s disgusting.

I used to feel so good about myself. I was happy with myself physically and mentally. Life is so different now.

And btw I’m not a super depressed – wanting to slit my wrist type of girl by any means. But I’m sooooo miserable. I did everything I was supposed to in life. I went to school, traveled, bought a house, have a “loving” relationship and kids… but it’s not enough. Those are old accomplishments, and I haven’t felt real accomplishment in a long time. I’m losing myself to this lazy unenthused person.

I need to get back on track

Signed,

Anonymous No-Name Blogger

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s